Monday, March 8, 2010


(Eternal Optimist is trying to catch up on Reader Mail, and thought he would publish some of his correspondence.)

Dear Eternal Optimist,

I noticed that I get a headache whenever I read your blog. I think your blog entries are too long and hard to follow.

Headachey in Madison

Dear Madison,

Your headaches are due to the snow and cold in Wisconsin. EO's blog entries are much shorter and warmer than President Obama's speeches. You ate too many of those during the last election and they gave you an "ice-pop" headache, maybe.

You should pack EO's blogs on your forehead, like a warm compress, for your headaches.

Or, you could just read every third word. It is much faster and more entertaining.

Warmest Personal Regards,


Dear EO (whoever you really are),

You make me SICK!! What right do you have to be so judgmental about people's moral views?! People like you and Bush have ruined this country!! Look at the shambles we are in because of Bush! If people were more tolerant of one another (something you can't seem to understand) we wouldn't have so much gridlock in Washington! I would call you a stupid joke, but you aren't funny!!

Tolerant in Minnesota

Dear Tol,

I don't appreciate your intolerance of my judgmental attitudes. It is your intolerance, and the intolerance of the other people up there, that makes Minnesota so cold and miserable. Why are people in Iowa so nice, but Minnesota is so mean?

You elected Al Franken, so you can't be all bad. Check out "Stuart Saves His Family." Great movie. Remember, "progress, not perfection."

Warmest Personal Regards,


Dear Eternal Optimist,

The last election demonstrated the problematic nature of the democratic/republican insistence on either/or propositions during elections and, more broadly, during any political debate. The underlying dementia in the current toxic political environment is the insistence on a zero-sum mentality, when the reality of today's multi-dimensional social and psychic time/space continuum is that we rarely confront a bona fide zero-sum game; rather, we are most often involved in games that promise less for all players (or, correspondingly more for all players), depending on the inter-connectivity and biological relevance of the answers we suggest and, ultimately, implement. Contributing to the misidentification of dialectic imperatives does nothing to enhance the reformation of what can and must be relatively benign processes for change and overall paradigm shifting toward the symbolic and actual sharing of both political and economic futures. We cannot afford to continue along these lines and fool ourselves into believing it does not matter.

Earnestly in California

Dear Earnie,

I can't disagree. I think you've said it all.

Warmest Personal Regards,


Dear EO,

I find your blog offensive in the extreme. Please take me off your mailing list at once.

Stuck in Rhode Island

Dear Stuck,

(A) I don't have a mailing list. (B) If I had a mailing list you wouldn't be on it. (C) Doesn't it embarrass you to have the same number of senators as California?

Warmest Personal Regards,


Dear EO,

I am your mother, and even I find you difficult. Why don't you stop writing these silly blogs and just find a job and be kind to people?


Dear Mommy,

I used to work at a job, but that made me so sad. Everyone was mean to me. So now I just write blogs and play the guitar and the bongos, and I feel more happy. And I've lost a lot of weight.

You want me to be happy, don't you?

Don't you?



  1. Who needs blogs, guitars, and bongos? Aren't we all happy now that Obama is our president?

  2. Nothing but happy right here, baby. All happy, all the time. I eat happy for breakfast, with granola.

  3. Hey, EO! Last time I saw you and Mrs. EO, your kids were young. Just for fun, try and figure out who I am from my blog. lol (E-mail, if you can't figure it out, but I think you can.)

    First, yeah, it aches to know Joe has left this world. Happy for him. Feel badly for his wife and kids. He was one of the good guys.

    Just wanted to write in response to "Tolerant." Tolerant could get into stand-up comedy. He/she was that funny. It just makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over to experience tolerance so openly. I might just save this for next winter. Surely that e-mail will warm me, when I'm feeling cold.

    Oh, and watch out for the granola - sugary goodness. ;)