Saturday, June 2, 2012


I was recently labelled "adulteraphobic" because of my long-time opposition to adultery.  All of my friends, over the course of the last 20 years, have one by one adopted a new and more tolerant position on adultery. 

My friend Sergio says that some people are genetically predisposed toward adultery.  Sergio, for instance, has a profound genetic predisposition toward adultery, since both his father and grandfather were notorious philanderers, and he, Sergio, age 51, has had a very difficult time orienting himself toward just one woman.  Finally he had an epiphany, and realized his true self, and has been much happier since then committing adultery without the overwhelming sense of guilt put on him by an arbitrary and intolerant majority.

I asked him if the last go round, where the husband of Sergio's latest female sexual acquaintance threatened to kill him in a very unpleasant way, had any effect on his behavior.  He looked at me seriously and said "that was a very angry and intolerant man."  Then he laughed his knowing laugh, "no, my friend, no, it just made the whole process that much more exciting." 

I asked if he was still in a relationship with the intolerant man's wife.  He said of course not, he'd moved on.  That woman was weak, anyway.  She was always worried about her children finding out.

I asked if that meant Sergio had made a choice, or was it just a kind of genetically predetermined thing, his moving on.  He shrugged his shoulders and finished texting his new girlfriend, who is 17 and single.  They are going to the Justin Bieber concert tonight. "I hate Bieber, but she's a lot less complicated, you know?"  He smiled his brilliant smile.

Sergio is involved in an advocacy group seeking civil rights for adulterers, who are presently an oppressed and highly marginalized minority.  Sergio informs me they are seeking civil union status for short-term adulterous relationships, as these relationships are not materially different from relationships currently sanctioned by both marriage and civil union status.

I protested, saying that adultery was a long-term, cumulative problem for any society, since it eroded the fundamental structure of the family and made healthy child-rearing nearly impossible.  He rolled his eyes.  "You're kidding, right?  Most of the great music and art of the last 100 years has been produced by adulterers.  Children are highly adaptable.  They turn out fine with multiple step-parents.   All the studies show that. Look at Brad and Angelina's kids.  I was a child of adulterous parents and I make more than $300,000 a year.  Besides, adultery is a Constitutional right."

I asked him how his kids were.  He looked up for a moment.  "They're fine.  In fact I see them next weekend I think."  He went back to texting his girlfriend about the Bieber concert.

Sergio seems very sincere and committed.  Maybe he's right.  Maybe I'm just an adulteraphobe.  I think I'm going to Google an adulteraphobia support group.        

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