HEALTH CARE AND ME

It is tax day tomorrow, April 15, 2010, and I have a new tax code tweak that I think will "hope and change" the health-care debacle to death. The beauty is that everyone, whether right or left, can get behind this idea.

The Democrats and Independents who voted for Obama like big government and like paying over most of their income to make government bigger, stronger and better able to pay out benefits.

The Republicans who voted against Obama don't like that so much.

The tax gambit is this: everyone who was a registered Republican in 2008 gets a "Health Care Tax Credit" (HCTC) from IRS for their per capita share of any taxes paid that are attributable to funding Obamacare.

The Republicans will use the money to jump start the economy by buying fur coats or cars or some such. Or maybe even buying health care, if that's what they want. It's just like the $8,000 stimulus for first time home buyers, only more effective, since first time home buyers are usually not as smart with their money as "Rs."

Everyone who registered Democrat or Independent pays their share of the extra tax burden, plus extra bucks to fund the new HCTC. This satisfies the "D" moral fervor to pay more taxes and grow government and makes them feel much happier than they are now.

To pay for the heavier taxes, "Ds" can sell their houses and cars, buy older bicycles (the ones with heavy tires), move into cramped apartments in the city, smoke home-grown marijuana, stop shaving and using air conditioners, eat more tofu and navy beans, and stop having babies. Since these are all things they know they should be doing anyway, all the better.

Republicans can buy cheap health care from highly qualified non-citizen professionals in Metuchen, or even Singapore, with their extra HCTC money, and maybe catch a few days in South Florida or Acapulco, where they will smoke too much and eat unhealthy foods. This means they will die sooner, which has to be a plus for "Ds."

Democrats and Independents can get health care insurance through carefully regulated regional cooperative insurance federation thingies with impenatrable names and accounting rules. These Leviathans will provide mediocre health care insurance and mediocre health care for all "Ds" and "Is," while reducing America's budget deficit and making America just a little bit more like France, without the arrogance, racism and huge unemployment problem.

As I said, this is a total win-win. Republicans get to spend the money as they see fit while dying sooner from their inevitably poor decision-making, while Democrats get to pay taxes and grow government.

The only potential glitch is if the Republicans pool their HCTC money and start shorting U.S. Treasury bonds. But so what? Who cares if the Chinese lose money?