With our new found fortune - derived from paying off all our debts and selling our house - we are faced with the remarkable problem of where to put our money. I've hit on a new investment scheme that is destined for greatness.
Buy Pluto.
The opportunity here is immense. Pluto was recently downgraded from planet status and de-listed from all the major exchanges. Nevertheless, Pluto has not actually changed shape or form since being downgraded. So it is severely undervalued right now, especially when you compare it to any of the planets. Pound for pound, it is even undervalued when compared against asteroids and comets.
Which makes no sense at all, since Pluto is a lot closer to Earth, on average, than any of the asteroids or comets. This is how you know that an irrational herd mentality is at work.
By the way, a guy tried to get me to buy Mars. That is crazy stuff. EVERYONE is long Mars, and it is hopelessly overvalued.
Besides, Pluto just fits for me and Mrs. Optimist. It is way out there, it has a weird, eccentric orbit, and no one can figure out exactly what it is. We feel a kind of empathy for Pluto, a real sense of solidarity.
What's great is that I've found an outfit that sells fractional shares of Pluto, so I can do this over time. The deal is I pay a regular amount each month, so I'm buying more of Pluto when the price is down, less when the price is up. Over time I undercut the average market price for my Pluto stock.
Right now there aren't many buyers for Pluto, so the price is very low. In a few years, when everyone can see the value, the price will skyrocket, and Mrs. Optimist and I will probably be on to the Tibetan yak dung futures I read about in the Wall Street Journal the other day.
That's just the way we roll.
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