Wednesday, May 13, 2009


Last night Eternal Optimist took an extra large dose of what I thought was my cholesterol medicine, because I had eaten ribs for dinner and Mexican for lunch. The “cholesterol” medicine turned out to be a highly addictive pain killer that caused astoundingly vivid dreams: full of color, very noisy and very fast, but so happy, so very happy.

by Prodigal Sunshine

The dreams left me with a conviction that I have been anointed for some higher purpose. A thousand points of light converged as the inner voices all spake as one, and they had some very hopeful and changeful things to say. I wrote it all down this morning, and brother, was I impressed!

I have come up with a set of programs that will save all of us. Commencing at once, we must

begin by borrowing lots and lots of money – more than we ever have before, more than we ever dreamed possible – and spending it as rapidly as possible. It does not matter exactly how it is spent, so long as it is spent rapidly, with deep conviction and the purest of intentions.

We must punish the richest among us by taking lots of money away from them. They have caused all of our troubles and must be taught a lesson they will NEVER FORGET!

We must nationalize the health care industry, so that our government can get health care costs under control, just as they have disciplined the federal budget.

We must immediately nationalize most banks, so that never again will bad banking decisions be punished by an uncaring and vindictive free market.

Nationalizing the banks will also punish the rich, and teach them a lesson they will NEVER FORGET! They are the source of all our problems. Which did I mention already; I’m sorry, the ideas are flooding my mind so quickly.

We must also nationalize the car makers in Detroit so that we can make millions of wind and solar powered cars, and also very tiny cars that run on corn, beets and asparagus, not necessarily in that order. By spending all the rich people’s money on green technologies, or in the case of beets, reddish technology, we will teach them a lesson they will NEVER FORGET!

We must harness the power of the wind and the tides, before the rising waters of global warming encompass us and drown us like rats. By placing huge solar and wind powered fans in one continuous line from northernmost Canada to the tip of Tierra del Fuego, we will blow cold air from the Artic regions to the Antartic during November to February, to stop the melt down of the Antartic ice-cap. We can then blow cold air from Antartica to the Artic during May through August, to reverse the melt down of the Artic ice-cap. Along the way this cold air can provide free refrigeration for hundreds of millions of people in hot as blazes places like Mexico and Nicaragua.

We must legalize robbery, assault, aggravated assault and murder, but provide treatment and therapy options for those who suffer from oppositional/defiance disorder, alcohol related beating disorder, drive-by shooting disorder and homicidal rage disorder.

In the interest of saving all mankind (and woman kind, as well as transgendered kind), Eternal Optimist will be taking more opioids tonight to complete the vision. By increasing the dosage I hope to solve all world problems, perhaps as early as the weekend.


  1. "Yes, We Can!"

  2. Certainly explains a whole hell of a lot.


  4. To like, Leila, I'm like totally inspired by that "awesome" comment.

  5. I don't know why I let myself get drawn in, but here goes.

    First, let me acknowledge the role of rich people in society. Rich people create jobs. Rich people finance endeavors that (at least used to) drive the economy. Rich people invest money in institutions that (at least used to) lend it out to other members of society, and the wheels go round and round. Nobody disputes this.

    However, many people who are not rich begin to get restive when wealth is concentrated heavily (egregiously) in the hands of a few, while oppportunities and real wages for the non-rich stagnate and disappear. EO may or may not find this understandable.

    I also acknowledge that under the system of capitalism, business entities are, legally, primarily (if not entirely) devoted to the purpose of making profits. And even yet again I acknowledge that in one sense it is has been America's rising standard of living, coupled with the 'discount nation' mentality (people unwilling to spend enough money to buy the goods they themselves make) that has driven our jobs overseas.


    Let's get some things clear. Would EO actually like to state that the past eight years of conservative republican business loving government bears no responsibility for the stinking hellhole that we find ourselves in? EO strikes me as a man who sells a broken down house and laughs at the new owner for spending money to fix it. But I digress.

    The "Democrats and liberals want to screw the rich" argument is crap. Here's what I think is the basic difference between "Conservative" and "Liberal". When liberals think about government by the people, for the people, they don't forget that second part. Governance, for liberals, demands taking everyone into account. And I think this is why 'liberal' implies 'change'.

    When everyone in the jurisdiction is pretty much the same (white farmers in the 18th century, let's say), government is fairly simple. Everyone pretty much agrees about the basics. Same morals, same outlook, same religion. But when you start getting some plurality things start to get messy. A liberal insists, annoyingly, on trying to take everbody into account; a conservative says let's keep the way we've been doing it.

    The liberal message is hard to get across because doing liberal things (that is, trying to take everyone into account, not just the ones with the money) is complicated. Liberalism guarantees complexity. Conservatism is simple. If it ain't broke don't fix it! Except, oops, we're talking about the economy, which is.. umm... broken. And was broken by, yes, conservatives.

    So EO, I envy you your simplicity. But if you don't have any ideas about how to fix things, please stand aside and let the work begin.

  6. Bravo! I have never heard this said in this light. I've got something to chew on. Thanks.